Coming Out

Most gay people have not been out (publicly gay) their entire lives. I haven’t met many openly gay 9 year-olds. This is not to say there aren’t any gay 9 year-olds; I think there absolutely are. I think they are either not ready to disclose their homosexuality or they may not even be aware of it yet.

I have always known I was gay, as far back as I can remember. I may not have understood it in those terms or known exactly what it meant, but I knew I liked girls and I wasn’t supposed to. I’ve met others that didn’t become aware of their same-sex attraction until much later in life. Some don’t realize it until after they get married and have children. Either way, there is often (not always) a point when a gay person decides to make their homosexuality somewhat public. This is what it means to “come out of the closet."

I have yet to meet a homosexual that doesn’t remember the first person they told they were gay. It is a major life event that can conjure up a range of emotions: fear, excitement, joy, frustration, confusion, terror, exhilaration… the list goes on and on. Coming out is hard, admittedly not for everyone, but for most. I think many people that aren’t close to a gay person may not realize that. It is a difficult, significant, scary, enormous, life altering declaration for so many.

There are also people that know they are gay, but choose not to be out. They have decided it would be “easier” to just live the straight life because of the upheaval coming out would cause or they don’t want to deal with the struggles that can come with being openly gay. They stay in the closet. Can you imagine what that must feel like? To know you are gay, but you feel as though you have to hide it and repress it.


…to those still in the closet:

It shouldn’t come as any surprise that I would encourage you to come out. While I know it can be extremely difficult for a plethora of reasons, I think we do ourselves and others a great disservice be not being who we really are, in any and every aspect of life, sexuality or otherwise. I do realize that every situation is unique and sometimes, we can’t just be who we really are for one reason or another. For you, I empathize. I hope you can eventually get to a place where you feel comfortable and safe enough to take that first step. It may not seem like it, and it may take a while, but it will get better and easier.


…to those who know someone (or think they know someone) still in the closet:

It is neither your place nor your responsibility to out anyone. If someone wants to stay in the closet, that’s their prerogative. While you feel it might help them to talk about it, they may not want or be ready to. Just keep an open mind, be supportive, and let that person know you will be there for them.